Skating lessons

I blame the this post on the hundred laps I skated around the rollerskating rink at Skate World tonight...

Growing up, my vehicle of choice was my bike. I never owned a pair of skates, and the only thing that would induce me to the rink were the birthday parties/class skate-nights--and even then, my friends had to be in attendance.

Fast forward to tonight, when I spent the first twenty laps or so, skating slowly and awkwardly, beginning with practically "walking" on wheels (that didn't work out too well). Even sadder is the fact that the last time I went rollerskating I wasn't ten...I was 19 (almost 3 years ago).

The biggest contributing factor to my "beginner's skating" phase is the cautious nature I adopt every time there are wheels (or blades, for that matter) attached to my shoes.

This cautiousness is ultimately rooted in my extreme fear (and dislike) of falling.

I hate it. I have always hated it.

Probably the worst part about falling is not the actual flying-through-the-air, or even the hitting the ground--it's the getting up that's painful...body sore, confidence crushed, pride humiliated....falling is the one thing I try to avoid on the rink.

*keep in mind that I was an absolute daredevil on the bike and fell practically every day (still never enjoyed it though)....but back to skating....

My dad used to tell me, "falling is fun....if you know how to fall."

This comment always irked me.

Gee, it'd be great to plan my fall...if only they didn't always take me by surprise! How am I supposed to control my fall, if the whole reason I'm falling is that I lost control in the first place?!

But as I was gliding more and more effortlessly around the rink, faster and faster, the hazy fog surrounding that phrase began to lift...

My fear of hitting the hard wooden floor kept me cautious at first--but overly so. I could hardly move, lost my balance every 5 seconds, I wasn't getting anywhere....it took eons just to finish one lap!

The more I began to trust the wheels attached to my feet, the less caution restrained me....I began to forget about falling and instead focused on the direction my skates were taking me in.

around the slow couples holding hands...away from the kids who had wiped out in the middle of my projected path....

...and then it happened....but strangely enough, I almost expected it--I quickly flew back in the air and landed on my behind....the impact even resounded a loud THUMP (or was it BAM?).

immediately, I stood up.

instantly, I was sore...

so sore in fact, that sitting down would have only made it worse....skating was the only solution, the best medicine, in fact.

A few minutes later, I shared about my amusing fall with a friend who confided,

"I like falling, falling's my favorite"

"That's good!" I replied, "I'm sort of the opposite"...

and then I smiled to myself, because I enjoyed the fall I had just taken.

it came because of risk, because I had thrown caution to the wind and not allowed fear to overtake me.

I was suddenly motivated to continue gliding around the rink, emboldened and fearless of the hard floor.

It started with a pair of gloves....

There I was, standing alone at the end of long line (at my church's celebration picnic).

No sooner did the woman behind me introduce herself than she insisted I wear her gloves because she had pockets and I, sadly, did not.

Suddenly we talking about each other's lives and before I could get a grasp on what was happening, her husband was getting my phone number to give me directions to their small group tonight....which I readily attended, carpooling with two girls I had known since freshman year!

Incredible. I had spent 2009 praying for the Lord's guidance and direction in finding a church home here in Tallahassee. It was a scary journey...not that Four Oaks (the church I am going to) was in any way intimidating, but rather, the trust and uncertainty this decision involved....especially as I began to soak in the implications of joining and serving such a large body of believers....

Yesterday in particular, I yearned desperately for a clear sign from God that I walking down the right path, after being attacked with doubts the night before.

Today, I received that sign. It seemed so random, so out-of-blue....for me to join the line so late in the game, and by myself...all the factors that had to take place....it was more than luck.

Tonight, I enjoyed the fellowship of Christians I had just met today (and a couple I already knew) , and in the home of the woman who lent me her gloves....God has impeccable timing, does He not?

Staring Uncertainty in the Face

Question: What is this blog about?

Answer: I'm not entirely sure yet....how about life? or more specifically, adult (post-college) life.

I'm just at the brink of it, 2010 will be my first year without a single class on my schedule. I will not have the pleasure/pain of sitting in a desk for an hour and a half lecture, there will be no essays or fill-in-the-blanks...but I will be taking tests. Plenty, in fact. Tests of character, endurance, strength, will, mind, patience--no new subjects, mind you, but I'm sensing some more rigorous testing methods are in store...

Since I am a writer by default, this blog seems a bit overdue (maybe because I have been keeping one for the past 4 years....saved on word documents).

But don't worry, this is not a venting machine (not entirely anyway--hahaa)...

No, I'd like to use this place to contemplate--reflect, look forward, and most importantly, analyze the present, take time to smell the flowers/coffee (I've heard it both ways).

I have learned and am currently learning that God puts detailed planning into the smallest/simplest of things...and so I am challenged to take nothing for granted, but give thanks and wonder at all He is doing, even in the seemingly mundane.

Thanks for joining me.